Ah yes, the age old question: How do I involve my hubby-to-be in our wedding? This can be a tough question for a lot of brides, as most of us grew up thinking about what our weddings would be like some day, when we had finally found our own Prince Charming. We’ve gotten to witness countless celebrity & friends weddings, wondering when we would finally get our day to be in the spotlight. But there’s a small catch- the person you’re marrying may have their own ideas (oops, perhaps we didn’t see that one coming), or may not want to be involved at all. We’ve known plenty of grooms who when asked a wedding question, point at their future bride for the answer. Well, here’s a few ideas to get your man a little more involved in the planning process, without hammering him with wedding details from now until your wedding day.
- Make him in charge of the most important things to him
Talk to your honey and find out what the most important elements are to him. If you’re marrying a foodie, the meal and alcohol/wine pairings may be hugely important to him.
Another groom might have an enormous music collection, and will want to work on finding the best DJ and creating a playlist with them. My man is in marketing and is an Apple snob, so he has already claimed designing our invitations & creating a slideshow for our wedding (conveniently, neither of which I have an interest in). Having this discussion will allow both of you to understand what is important to each of you in your wedding, and makes it easier to divide tasks. If you’re not great with computers and he hates the idea of looking at flowers, he could take the slideshow while you pick out bouquets with your mom/bridesmaids/planner! If you’re not super picky about the men’s attire, why not let him pick out what he thinks would work best on his guys? It’s a way to divide and conquer using what you both are interested in. Of course, discussions of veto power should happen BEFORE you send him shopping!
- Add something he loves
While all weddings are a representation of the couple, sometimes the style of it has less to do with their personalities, and more to do with the color scheme, time of year, etc. So adding in small personal details can be a great way to represent your man. This can be something huge, like your venue, or it can be the tiniest detail. If there’s something your fiancé loves but you’re not sure it could fit in the grand scheme of your wedding, maybe see if it can fit in somewhere else.
For example, I had a wedding that had a grand 5 tier cake with peonies on it, and the groom had a small one tier cake that was made to look like an iPad sitting on its box. On the screen was a comic the groom had picked out himself. Another wedding just this summer had its ceremony in the middle of a hockey rink – for the hockey obsessed groom! It led to a beautiful outdoor ceremony and was a great way for the groom to be represented.
If your honey is a big football fan, maybe he could put the garter around a football during the garter toss. If he’s a comic buff, check for cufflinks of his favorite superhero! There’s plenty of ways to add fun details without changing the style of your entire wedding.
- Find out what he’s liked/disliked at previous weddings
Especially if there’s weddings you’ve been to together, since you’ll know what he’s referring to if he says something about, “the weird EXTRA plates under the dinner plates” (those are “charger plates” for the uncertain, and no, they aren’t required…although they do look FANTASTIC!). Not only is this a good way to see specific elements of décor and the like, but it is also a great way to see traditions and other things in action, and whether or not you liked them.
Not a fan of the glass clinking when guests want you to kiss? Think of a game or two for guests to play instead- it’s more interactive and far less noisy! You could also have guests donate to a charity that’s close to your heart; the better the donation, the better the kiss!
Did you love love love the bridesmaid dresses, men’s attire, the wedding cake? Find out which vendors they used, and talk to your planner about them! There’s a chance you could get a referral deal, or we already know them, and you already know they have a quality product.
- Have him plan the honeymoon
Okay, let’s face it. There are some guys who are just not into any wedding planning at all. A great alternative for this groom may to be in charge of the honeymoon! I had a bride last year where her husband planned the entire honeymoon- and kept it a surprise to boot! She didn’t find out until they were at the airport where they were headed (For all you curious ones- he took her to France!).
- Schedule wedding talk time
Even the grooms that want to be involved in every aspect of the wedding have a limit of how often they want to discuss the wedding. Most guys aren’t programmed to have wedding talk 24/7, so put aside some time to discuss wedding related things. Doing this will prepare both of you for the things you’d like to discuss, and neither of you is being bombarded with random wedding ideas at all hours of the day.
Just remember, even though you likely have an idea of what you would like, remember it is his big day too and you need to respect his ideas and decisions, even if he chooses to be involved in the planning process as little as possible. After all, this is the man you’ve chosen to spend your life with! If you are still having trouble involving your groom, bring him along to your appointment with your wedding planner. That’s our job and we will be happy to help involve him or coax some ideas out of him that he didn’t even know he had!
– Faith, (It’s all in the) Details, Wedding Planner